Help turn your community from a beast to a beauty

I dislike all bureaucracies. Radical, freethinking, independent entrepreneurs all tend to detest the restrictive rules and regulations that seem essential to organisational existence. Equally abhorrent is the political posturing and power playing that consumes much of the energy generated by people in organisations. My past profession entailed consulting to organisations. Too often I got to see their shadow side. I saw good individuals, concerned contributors, even outstanding performers crunched by the crosscurrents caused by over-inflated egos, greedily grasping at positions that wield bureaucratic power and privilege. Evil and corruption sometimes thrive in the organisational beast.

On the other hand, organisations provide us with most of the benefits of an enjoyable life. So, we can detect a beauty in the beast! Without the organisations of the automotive, agricultural, oil, wine, clothing, housing, electrical and electronic, computer, communication industries, and a myriad of service industries, what quality of life would we have? Indeed, without the dreaded municipalities and their much-maligned councils, how would the planet’s ever increasing human population manage to distribute life’s mundane essentials such as water, electricity and sewerage and refuse removal? Our planet is now totally dependent on global and local organisations to provide people with life’s essentials.

The beauty of the beast is also very evident in the large number of excellent people who work tirelessly to deliver on the promises of their organisations, large and small. We see this in our neighbourhoods and communities within South Africa. We have wonderful people who work hard to ensure that our communities are more beauty than beast. Many of them are volunteer-based community organisations. We also tend to have a whole range of businesses that bolster our local economy and enrich our lives. What would we do without our general stores, our coffee shops and restaurants, our watering holes, speciality stores, galleries and movie houses?

Those who contribute time, energy, knowledge and skill to ensuring that our communities are a beautiful social and economic organism deserve the unreserved support of every resident. But every community is also a beast with a dark underbelly. Every social organism is! People can be incredibly painful and bitchy, and can spend more of their time focusing on the negatives than trying to contribute to the positives. They can also be very skilled at criticising without ever personally looking to get involved or contributing to finding the solutions. 

A possible antidote to the dark underbelly of any community is to try to define a common vision and set of values that everyone in the community will support (as opposed to specific laws or policies). A well-defined vision gives everyone a common goal to strive for, and a clear set of common values offers everyone a powerful guideline for acceptable behaviour.

 I feel that we as communities don’t spend enough time defining a vision and set of values that are common to all of us. We rather spend our time focusing on the specific issues that divide us. Just like most organisations, we jump too quickly into the specifics before we have thought through, and agreed, the broader vision and value set.

Now I am not saying it is easy to get a vision and value set agreed within a community, but I am saying it is worth the try (if my experience with some of South Africa’s most successful organizations is anything to go by). Why not try it at your next community meeting? You never know, you may just help transform it from a beast into a true beauty.

Smart thinking in crazy times

Most problems and issues that we face are complex and multi-faceted. Simple, straightforward solutions are seldom sufficient. And when we get into conflict answers are seldom easy and mostly muddled! Is there a way of thinking about our personal and community’s crises and conflicts that is clearer and smarter than most of our standard approaches? I think there is.

Ian Mitroff is a professor at the University of Southern California where he heads up the Centre for Crisis Management. He suggests that all problems display four perspectives; Scientific/Technical, Ethical/Spiritual, Personal/Social and Systemic/Contextual.

These four perspectives can be illustrated with a typical community issue: a dispute between two neighbours. And let’s say that the dispute is about the noise level of the classical music played by one of the neighbours, which he loves to play really LOUD to accompany cooking his Sunday lunch. This drives his next-door neighbours crazy. Their preference is to have a quiet Sunday morning listening to the church service on the radio and then reading the Sunday papers before going out to one of the restaurants for lunch. Clearly a “classical” conflict!

Now hopefully the quiet neighbours will have discussed their problem with the musical maniac and the two parties have amicably resolved their conflict. But what if one of them decided to treat the entire matter in a technical, right/wrong manner and “go the legal route?”

All disputes have a technical/scientific perspective. Some or other regulation will usually apply to an aspect of the dispute.  So, whatever the final outcome, the parties will need to take cognisance of a technical/scientific aspect to their problem. Sadly, most people too, too often only think of the technical or scientific perspective! However, there are always three other perspectives to consider, and if no attention is paid to them a purely technical solution is likely to make matters worse than before.

So instead of just calling in the police to measure the decibels of the offending classical CD’s, the neighbours also need to consider the personal/social perspective to the problem. When the police arrive with their decibel measuring equipment it is highly likely that personal relationships between next-door neighbours will deteriorate into acrimonious accusation and counter-accusation in which the ability to hear the other side flies out the window. And when other friends and neighbours of both parties take sides, the social ramifications of the conflict click in and could poison the neighbourhood vibe. But wait, there’s more!

Every problem, conflict or crisis is always part of a larger context or system. So, the noisy neighbour problem is a sub-set of many broader issues such as noise pollution, cultural clashes and diversity, community values and norms, constitutional rights and duties and eventually even broad human rights. Each of these wider contexts deserves debate prior to any precipitous actions on the part of the battling neighbours. And yes, there’s still more!

There is an ethical/spiritual perspective to every problem. Even though your neighbour is driving you bonkers, have you considered everything that you may have done or may be doing that is inconsiderate on your part, and which is adding fuel to the fire? In the light of this conflict what is the right thing to do? What is right for the longer-term well being of your irritating neighbour, yourself, your neighbourhood and all its people?

Perhaps we can learn something from practical academics like Mitroff. I certainly believe that I can improve my thinking about problems, issues, conflicts and crises by trying to consider all four perspectives. And I suspect that this approach might help all of us avoid the horrendous mistakes we are apt to make in the heat of the conflict moment.

Handling our community conflicts

Roger Fisher is the world’s leading thinker on negotiation and conflict resolution. He is Professor Emeritus of Law at Harvard University and Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project. Roger Fisher helped both the ANC and the National Party Government improve their negotiating approach and skills. He contributed significantly to our miraculously negotiated settlement. Roger co-authored the best book yet published on negotiation: Getting to Yes – negotiating agreements without giving in. It has already been translated into 20 languages and has helped millions of people turn adversarial haggling into constructive joint problem solving. And it’s not aimed at the academic world – it’s written for you and me.

Why do I think Roger Fisher’s insights are relevant to us 17 years after the start of democracy? Well, one just has a look at how much social conflict is currently taking place at the community level to get the answer.

If I use my own village as an example, it is an incredibly cosmopolitan cauldron of contesting cultures and interest groups. Consider our rich diversity of nationalities and cultures: English, Irish, Scottish, German, Dutch, Swiss, American, Afrikaner and African. We also have different racial and economic groups: black, coloured, white; unemployed, working people, middle class and an affluent class. Each of these groupings has its own legitimate interests and a fair number of them have conflicting interests.

A proposed development in what has historically been viewed as communal area is a classic case of conflicting interests. It is a strip of land that many of the poorer community use for grazing for their cattle and horses, while others love walking their dogs there. When the possibility of a new development on this communal land emerged, some groups focused their attention on the job creation opportunities; others on the increased business that could be derived from extra people and services required for the extra houses; others focused exclusively on the environmental impact of this development; and yet others focused on the impact on the currently strained infrastructure, the property market and so on.

Which of Roger Fisher’s many insights are most likely to help us handle these and numerous other conflicting interests? Let’s “cherry-pick” a few.

First insight: “separate the people from the problem!” We all know how difficult it is to deal with a complicated problem without misunderstanding each other, getting angry or upset and taking things personally. Well, Fisher’s advice is to deal separately with the problem or issue in a rational, problem solving way, and deal with the people relationship as an issue worthy of its own focus. Recognise that emotions are perfectly normal and natural, so make them explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate; allow people to let off steam and try not to react to emotional outbursts. Not easy to do! In fact, it’s something I find constantly challenging as certain people have an uncanny knack of hooking me. But when you manage to separate the people from the problem it really works like magic.

Second insight: “focus on interests, not positions!” Imagine two Greytonians quarrelling in the library. One wants the window open and the other wants it closed. They argue about how much to leave it open; a slither, halfway, three quarters. No solution satisfies both. Enter Judy Terry our librarian. She asks one combatant why she wants the window open: “To get fresh air” She asks the other why he wants it closed: “To avoid the noise from the main road traffic” Judy gives it a seconds thought then opens the window in the adjoining Bryan Thomas room, allowing fresh air to flow through but from the quiet side away from the noisy main road. Their stated positions (open or closed) were irreconcilable; but their underlying interests (fresh air and relative quiet) allowed for a mutually acceptable solution. That’s the value of focusing on interests rather than on positions!

Space allows for only one more insight from this world-class thinker, now in his late 70s. It comes from his recent 2005 book Beyond Reason and it reveals his humility and humour. Roger describes a “fight” with his wife Carrie. They had two bunches of roses which, he thought, were for friends they were visiting. En route they bumped into another friend and when this friend admired the flowers, Carrie offered her one of the bunches. Later, Roger expressed his irritation that she had not consulted him first as he had an emotional investment in the impact the two bunches would have had; and also because one of his principles is: “Always Consult Before Deciding” or ACBD for short. Carrie thought about this and countered: “The problem with ACBD is that it often means NGAD – Never Get Anything Done!” Roger conceded; she was right. There is indeed a balance between too much unilateral deciding and too much time spent on consulting. So, he agreed to a modified motto put forward by some of his students: CCBD, or Consider Consulting Before Deciding” And this motto can be safely applied by all of us in all but the most urgent cases.

Lest you feel that Fisher’s insights sound a bit like “be nice to others”, let me assure you that he very firmly rejects simply being nice to an aggressive and attacking person or group. If you give in to unreasonable demands in order to “be nice” or improve the relationship, your aggressor will simply demand more from you next time. So, another invaluable piece of wisdom is that we should always have a BATNA, or a Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. If you want to buy a house try to make sure that you have identified a viable alternative to the house you are attracted to – otherwise you are vulnerable to paying too high a price for it.

A final thought: our differing viewpoints and legitimate interests are the stuff of the social tapestry within South Africa. How we handle conflicts arising from them is sure to be smoother if we take on board the insights of a specialist thinker like Roger Fisher.

Avoiding the retirement blues

I always thought that a beautiful environment such as Greyton (where I am lucky to live) usually enhances one’s happiness. But now I’m not so sure. Recently someone mentioned that, in her opinion, Greyton has an unnervingly high number of depressed people, many who have struggled to adjust to retirement. I would never have thought so, but then I don’t belong to any of the informal networks that gather and distribute such information.

This got me thinking. Maybe a beautiful environment  where we so often choose to spend our retirement years, presents people with unusual dangers. It can lull us into thinking that spectacular views, rustic charm and the attractiveness of life in the slow lane are the very stuff of a happy retired life. Alas, it seems this is not so.

The danger of retiring in a beautiful village like Greyton is its power to enchant us into believing that context rather than content is the basis of a happy life. However, the sages, saints, shamans and sangomas have all in their own way pointed out that it is purity of soul that brings contentment. Like snails we bring our baggage with us wherever we go. A beautiful place may help, but it’s internal peace that counts.

Depression is an awful and extremely common illness. It hits all of us at some time or another, and is apparently relatively common in retired people. Some depressions are so severe that only serious medical intervention can help the poor sufferer. Less severe depressions are more preventable and may be kept at bay by a few everyday protection mechanisms. The first is the importance of social connections. Two studies reported in the newspapers recently highlighted the importance of regular interaction with other people. The first concerned bridge players. Both the social interaction and the use of the brain seemed, on average, to energize and prolong the lives of bridge players over a random control group that didn’t play bridge (best I start playing bridge)! The other study found that people who regularly drank and socialised (and argued/debated issues!) at their local pub or at friends houses also, on average, tended to live longer than the control group (no need for me to start here - been well practiced for years J).

For those of us who are neither bridge players nor regular social drinkers, relax! The statistics refer to the average, and of course none of us are average. There are many forms of social and intellectual engagement available to us all; we just need to choose the ones that work for us as unique individuals.

Finally, depression seems not to visit us as readily when we have “a reason for getting up in the morning”. Jewish psychiatrist Victor Frankl discovered from his studies of life in Auschwitz that those prisoners (including himself) who felt they still had something important yet to do were the ones who survived the horrors of the concentration camp.

So for those of us feeling anxious that without an engaging work life, we may soon become depressed (even though we have recently bought our dream house in our dream village), there may be some practical steps one can take. First, we can start looking for contentment inside and not just from our exterior environment. Second, we can join or form a social group that preferably engages our brains as well as provides fellowship. Third, we can get involved in making a positive contribution to the future of others and ourselves, something that gives us a reason to get up in the morning. None of this is a certain, easy cure for retirement blues. But maybe it’s worth considering.

A Christmas Meditation on New Life

Opening thoughts

The Christmas Story has charmed and challenged people throughout the millennia of Christian history. Like all religious literature worthy of the genre, it is a story with a large mythical element. That is to say it has many layers of meaning and insight and was originally written to convey timeless truths via a temporal account. So the events covered by the Christmas Story are not history as we know it but rather creations of insightful imaginations seeking to reflect on and understand the impact of Jesus on those he encountered in his dramatic public life. In this context we read the two different gospel accounts of the birth of Jesus.

Readings

Matthew 1: 18 – 21 (from the New International Version)

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

Luke 2: 1 – 7 (from the New International Version)

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in strips of cloth and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Meditation on New Life

Christmas is the celebration of many things. It is both a celebration of love, and a time to reflect with deep gratitude everything that we have been blessed with in our lives.

This year, the theme for our meditation is New Life. The Jesus story is all about a new life coming into the world, and the opportunity we all have to create a new beginning. Let’s think of the many possibilities facing each of us; the new beginnings that are undoubtedly there for you and for me. New life is available to us no matter what our age and stage in life. 

Think of the many new things, the new life initiatives you can start in the year ahead:

New projects to achieve some valuable goal; a personal goal, like health or exercise; a work goal to attain something that’s important to you; maybe a project to change what you are doing or where you are living. Life is really a series of new projects – which new ventures will be grabbing your attention in the New Year?

New relationships and friendships in which you can invest your energy; new social activities like inviting friends to dinner; strengthening or renewing existing friendships by planning to inject new life into them; new life could even mean dropping relationships that are like black holes sucking you under!

So, what new life will you create in you relationships and friendships?

New artistic endeavours like photography, painting, writing; what new creativity can you bring into your life? Can you put new energy into exploring theatre or music?

New adventures to explore new places, to do new things, to have more fun and to learn something from all new experiences. What new adventures can you plan for the coming year?

Sharing a planned new beginning.

I invite each person in our group to reflect on the one or more new beginnings they have planned for the year ahead, and invite them to share these with the rest of us.

May all our new beginnings enrich our lives and offer us new learning and meaning during the year ahead.

Remembering Family and Friends.

A Closing Meditation

For centuries Christmas has been a time of giving and receiving gifts. In this spirit it is appropriate that we pause to consider our lives and to express our gratitude for the abundance with which we are blessed. Please respond after each meditation with the words: WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL!

For our families and friends

Who succour and support us

Who stand by us through all

Our trials and triumphs

Our starts and stumbles

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For food and shelter

For health and energy

For the beauty and resilience

Of our planet Earth

With her incredible complexity

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For fun and laughter

For challenges and risks

For the skill of sport

And the flair of art

For the promise of new technology

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For the learning that comes

With good times and bad times

For the deep principles of life

That lie hidden just below

The surface of every experience

                       

WE ARE REALLLY GRATEFUL

For the lessons of history

For the inspiring life of Jesus

And the world’s spiritual giants

Whose lives lighten up our paths

And expand our horizons

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For the unique calling

That comes to each of us

The destiny that only we

Can follow and fulfill

For our unlimited potential

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

We are indeed so blessed

With abundance that we

Must not forget those who

Lack our good fortune

So, let us ensure that we reach out

To those without family or friends

Those who are struggling to survive

Materially, intellectually or emotionally

May our plenty spill over

Into other lives and enrich

Their bodies, minds and spirits

May the universal energy of Life

The unfailing power of Love

Give us grace to become mirrors

Of the compassion shown by Jesus

That we may be angels of mercy

In a world often out of kilter

We dedicate this meditation

As admirers and students of Jesus

Whose birthday we celebrate this morning

And also of all other prophets and philosophers

Whose lives and love and logic

Have pointed us to the truth

And for which

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

A Christmas Meditation on Gratitude

The following meditation was used by Randall on Christmas morning. As a family, and with our special friends, we would walk to a special place in nature (often a hill overlooking the area) and share this mediation together (Randall would lead us through this, reading from this hand-out). I publish this in the hope that it may offer those who wish to celebrate this day, a way of doing so with their loved ones. I have also published a second Christmas meditation (as an alternative), focusing on New Life. I hope it proves useful to you.

Opening thoughts

Welcome to our meditation on this beautiful Christmas morning. Irrespective of one’s spiritual beliefs, for most of us here today, Christmas is a time when we reflect on all that we are grateful for in our lives. It is a time when we feel the need to make a real effort to be with our loved ones, and to offer gifts to each other, as a sign of love and appreciation for them being in our lives. It is a special time of the year that prompts us to be mindful of the many blessings that we experience and enjoy, and to acknowledge how grateful we are for them. So in many ways, Christmas is a time for reflection, and a time for deep gratitude for family, and for all the blessings of life we received over the course of this year. And so it is in this spirit of gratitude that I welcome you to our morning mediation. 

Reflection.

What Christmas means to me, and what I feel particularly grateful for (allow everyone to share their thoughts).

Meditation on Gratitude

Please join me in this meditation on gratitude.

For our families and friends

Who strengthen and support us

For moms and dads

For uncles and aunts

And cousins & grandparents

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For homes and health

For food and energy

For the beauty and diversity

Of all life on Planet Earth

For her wonderful animals & plants

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For fun and playtime

For laughter and learning

For the magic of language

And the skill of writing

For the promise of ongoing development

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For medical researchers

For doctors and specialists

For science and technology

And the many procedures

That save and extend our lives

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

For the learning that comes

With good times and bad times

For the deep principles of life

That lie hidden just below

The surface of every experience

                       

WE ARE REALLLY GRATEFUL

For the unique calling

That comes to each of us

The destiny that only we

Can follow and fulfill

For our unlimited potential

                       

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

Personal wishes.  

In preparation for today, each person was asked to pick the name of another person in our group (out of the magic hat), and to write them a personal wish for their year ahead. It is now time for each of us to take turns reading our special wish to our selected person (get up and sit in front of them while you read them your wish). Allow each person to receive their wish (i.e. do this one wish at a time).

Remembering Family and Friends.

While we have all had the chance to give each other a wish for their year ahead, we are acutely aware of family members and friends who are not with us today. And so we also take time to acknowledge them, and to offer them a special wish for their year ahead.

Closing thoughts

We are indeed so blessed

With abundance that we

Dare not forget those who

Lack our good fortune

So, let us ensure that we reach out

To those without family or friends

Those who are struggling to survive

Materially, intellectually or emotionally

May we consciously enable
Our plenty to spill over

Into others lives and enrich

Their bodies, minds and spirits

May the universal energy of Life

The unfailing power of Love

Give us grace to become mirrors

Of the compassion shown by Jesus

That we may be angels of mercy

In a world often out of kilter

We dedicate this meditation

To him whose birthday we celebrate this morning

But also to those prophets and philosophers

Scientists and writers and artists

Whose lives and love and logic

Have pointed us to the truth.

In fact, for all of them

WE ARE REALLY GRATEFUL

A Naming Ceremony for a Newborn Child

Randall's grandchildren are extremely blessed to have had their grandfather name them (a non-religeous alternative to having them baptised in church). For those who would prefer to welcome their children into their community and family (and not necessary a church), here is a naming ceremony they can use as a starting point (please adapt it to your needs). Randall would be delighted.

Why a naming ceremony?

It is always good to place things in context. None of us here would be where we are today without the history that formed us. And part of that history is the Jewish/Christian religion. It provides the backdrop to whatever form of spirituality we currently espouse. And in Judaism and in Christianity the act of naming a child is deeply significant.

In Genesis, the first book of the Jewish Torah, God creates by naming things. “Let there be light, and there was light”. And similarly in a very real sense, when parents name a baby they participate even further in the act of creation. For when we name a baby we give it independent existence, we give it a means of acknowledging its unique existence. There is no other <Baby’s Name> on this planet. S/he already has a physical, biological existence. His/her name gives him/her a unique cultural, psychological, spiritual existence.

In Christianity the naming of newly born children came to be linked with baptism, which was the ceremony to celebrate the acceptance of an infant into membership of the church. Naming in baptism was the gateway into the community. Baptism also served as the ritual through which the parents and the community solemnly promised three things:

1. To provide a supportive spiritual home for the new child
2. To ensure that no stumbling block be put in the way of the child
3. To nurture the child in the spiritual tradition of the church

Many of us no longer find the Jewish-Christian myths as compelling as they once were, we have moved beyond them. However, the essence, the deep spiritual truth underlying these myths, remains rock solid. Our impulse is to welcome our newly born into our core community via a naming ceremony, a ritual celebration of the miracle of new life. And that is what we are doing here today. 

A Reading for The Parents

This reading is taken from a poet and philosopher who grew up and worked in the Arabic-speaking world of Lebanon. The work of Kahlil Gibran has been translated into more than twenty languages. The fragment I shall read is meant for young parents, particularly for Name and Name.

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.

And the Prophet said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you.

And though they were with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows

are sent forth.

The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He

bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness,

for even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Grandmother’s Reading: A blessing for our grandchild

May your tree of life have

LOVE at its centre

May the soft glow of the moon,

the guidance of the stars,

and the warmth of the sun

surround you

May the owl of WISDOM

And the dove of PEACE

Nestle in your branches.

May you be a shining candle

that brings light in the darkness.

May the busy bee of INDUSTRY

enjoy the company of the butterfly

of JOY and HAPPINESS

throughout your days.

May the acorn seed of your new life

be balanced by the scales of JUSTICE

And at your feet,

may the tortoise of TENACITY

steady your journey

as you go forth and face

the challenges of life.

A Shining Candle

<Baby’s Name>’s cousins/family hand out candles to all present. <Baby’s Name>’s parents light <Baby’s Name>’s candle and each person will light their own candle from <Baby’s Name>’s and place it on the table around his/hers.

Our prayer is that each of us may in time be enlightened by this new life that has appeared to us. And equally, that we may all surround him/her with the warmth and light essential for his/her wholesome growth.

The Core Community

All of us here, family and friends, as well as a few who couldn’t be here today, are <Baby’s Name>’s core community. We make up the social and spiritual environment in which s/he will blossom. That’s an awesome responsibility. But it is also a wonderful opportunity to participate in encouraging her to reach for her full potential. Our spiritual ancestors, the Jews, have always seen the family and the immediate core community as being jointly responsibility for bringing up children. And the Christian tradition has equally seen the incorporation of children into the core community of the church as a communal joy and duty.

As <Baby’s Name>’s core community I ask you to make your commitment to him/her by saying, with me, the following words:

“We gladly accept the responsibility of being role models of truth, love, justice, joyfulness and compassion for <Baby’s Name>. Where necessary, we shall protect him/her from physical, emotional or spiritual harm and ensure that s/he is able to grow strong surrounded by the power of goodness”.

Parent’s Commitment To Their Child (for them to write and read)

Grandfather's Blessing: The Water of Life

Water has been used as a symbol in the rituals of the Jews from Old Testament times. John the Baptist was using a well-known Jewish ritual when he offered baptism as an entry into the coming kingdom of God. The Christian tradition used water as a symbol of the Spirit of God cleansing and entering your life. And many other traditions have also used this powerful symbol in the ritual of welcoming babies into their community. For <Baby’s Name> I am going to use part of a prayer from the ceremony of the ritual bath of the newborn used by Mexican grandfathers.

“My little dove, my sparkling jewel, my grandchild!

Receive and take the water of the Spirit of Life, the water which is our life, which makes the body grow and invigorates it and which serves to wash and purify us.

I pray that this celestial water of life will be the sign of Spirit living in you and inspiring you in everything you are called to do in the years ahead.”

The Naming

Dear Child

On behalf of your parents and of this core community I confirm that you will ever be known and loved as <Baby’s Name>”

God be in your head

And in your understanding

God be in your eyes

And in your looking

God be in your mouth

And in your speaking

God be in your heart

And in your thinking

God be at your start

And at your ending

God be with us all

And in our living

Amen