Yes, but how high is your EQ?

A friend who now lives in Natal visited Joan and I recently. “So, how are you liking Durban?” we asked. “Oh, it’s OK” she said, “But what I really miss is the high level of the gene pool you have here in Greyton!” She was of course referring to the unusually high ratio of intelligent people living in the village. We have more than our fair share of high IQs strolling around the place! And that makes this a very stimulating place in which to live. 

However, IQ is not the only measure there is! There are many people with reasonable rather than razor-sharp brains who are often much more successful than the top brains in the population. And their success stems from their high Emotional and Social Intelligence. Their Emotional Quotient (EQ) is high.

The world-class thinker for this week’s piece is the EQ guru Daniel Goleman. His breakthrough research on the vital importance of emotional intelligence has revolutionised our thinking about leadership and success. His best known works are Emotional Intelligence, Primal Leadership, Destructive Emotions (with the Dalai Lama), and most recently Social Intelligence. Picking out a few key insights from these great books is a real challenge, but here goes:

First insight: how we handle ourselves and our relationships often matters more than our IQ or technical skills. Your emotional intelligence has two main dimensions: a self-dimension and a social dimension. Self-dimension: people with a highly developed EQ are very aware of their emotions and moods and how these impact on others. High EQ people are also good at self-management; they keep disruptive emotions and impulses under control and maintain high levels of optimism, energy and enthusiasm. Social dimension: high EQ people are very aware, empathetic and tuned-in to the emotions of others. They take a genuine interest in other people and are good at managing relationships with others to minimise conflict and maximise cooperation in meeting everyone’s needs and interests.

In many towns and cities you often find a few clubs or associations that seem to consider themselves the intellectual cream of the community. It’s often fascinating to discover that some of these elite clubs or associations have virtually imploded because of fights among their leading lights. It surely demonstrates that while general intelligence (IQ) is very important, if it is not complemented by a high EQ success is not ensured! One is tempted to observe: sure they all have high IQs, but how high is their collective EQ?

Second insight: neuroscience suggests that our brains are “hardwired” to be kind and compassionate. Empathy and compassion are our automatic evolutionary responses to any distress we perceive in others. Another aspect of this is that smiles have the edge over all other facial expressions of emotion. World authority on facial emotions, Paul Ekman, has identified at least 18 different smiles. And the human brain prefers happy faces to those with negative expressions. Goleman calls this the “happy face advantage” Even among complete strangers a moment of playfulness, even outright silliness, forms an instant resonance and rapport. In fact, laughter may well be the shortest distance between two brains.

We don’t need to spell this out, do we? Neuroscience suggests that if we all lighten up, smile and laugh more, then we’ll have better relationships, live longer and enjoy life more. And we don’t have to have genius-level IQs to do that! All we need is a well-developed emotional and social intelligence.

Third insight: our moods are contagious and impact on everyone we encounter. This is especially true of those in leadership positions. So, if you run a business, a committee, or any organisation then be aware that your moods (fair or foul) are always noticed by your staff, your colleagues and your customers. And these moods are contagious; they spread like a virus and impact either positively or negatively on the moods and emotions of these crucial categories of people in your life. How important is it then for you to maintain a high level of energy, enthusiasm and optimism? Perhaps it is critical for your success!

The good news is that we can all improve our EQ (and our success as human beings) by increasing awareness of our own emotions and moods and by exercising better control over them; and we can improve our skills in managing relationships with others so as to ensure creative collaboration rather than destructive competition. It’s worth a try, I reckon!