An example of Randall's travel tips to the newly weds (used in his sermons)

Here are four "travel tips" that I hope will help to make your marriage a truly inspired trip.

Make your conversation a "dialogue", not just a "discussion"

Conversation is central to human existence. It is also the foundation of all good marriages. So it's essential that you give your conversations the attention they deserve. Now, from experience both of you know that your best conversations are a creative collaboration, a pooling of your ideas so that the truth emerges as a shared achievement. These are the conversations that are the most exciting and satisfying ones. The experts call them dialogue – a movement towards meaning! They are the conversations that create and sustain collaborative partnerships and creative marriages.

Of course, your conversation can also become a competitive discussion or debate, in which one person's opinion eventually triumphs as "the" accepted perspective on how things are. No doubt you have had a number of such discussions! And you probably will have both experienced the separation you feel when one of you wins and the other loses an argument. Trouble is that we are all so used to discussion as our main mode of conversation. Discussion is when you make up your own mind on a topic, and then spend time selling your solution to the other person. Discussion is how we do things in our results and action-oriented western business culture. It has a place there, but not in a marriage.

Dialogue is the shared exploration that you should strive for. Dialogue is when you are open to different perspectives, when you are committed to allowing new truth to emerge from your conversations together. Dialogue favours "both/and" thinking rather than the "either/or" variety. It's inclusive not divisive. And dialogue depends on intense listening skills. It takes longer than discussion, but the payoff is huge.

So, the first travelling tip is "make your conversations collaborative dialogues, not competitive discussions or debates". Dialogue will help build the partnership you need for the journey ahead.

Make your contact with Nature a sacred communion

You can and do learn many things from life in the city. The divine flame of life resides in every person who lives in the city. Their cries and their laughs and your own stresses and satisfactions are all learning and growth opportunities. Cities are modern colosseums in which the eternal war between good and evil is waged. And so, if you manage to see life through the eyes of the spirit, your life together in the concrete city with all its problems and opportunities, all its joy and sadness can be an enriching experience of God-in-the-world.

Because your professions tie you to large organisations you are likely to be city dwellers for a good deal of your married life. So what you may miss out on a bit is the divine dialogue that comes from regular communion with nature. The creative energy that crafted our planet and manifests itself in the infinite diversity of nature speaks loudly in the living wilderness areas but is sometimes strangely silent in the city, shut out it seems by the noise.

I know that I am talking to the converted when I say that my second "travel tip" for your journey together is: "get out the city as often as you are able, and spend time together under the stars". You get yourselves into proper perspective when you experience the miracle of life in its universe-size dimensions. The universe is alive, you are part of it, it created you and its life is within you. Experience its magic as often as possible! Two weeks in sacred communion with nature restores your soul and binds your marriage like no other experience I know of.

Of course, getting away is not always possible. So smart people bring the living wilderness into their homes. Prince Charles puts it like this: "My spiritual and physical life are completely entwined with the garden…it is here I do my worshiping".

So, travel tip number 2: make your contact with nature a sacred communion, both via a therapeutic garden where you can touch the earth every day, and as often as you can, by going away together to the wilderness areas of our living planet.

Inoculate yourselves against the dangers of affluence

This third travel tip is a warning, something like "don’t drink the water in Calcutta!" As you journey down through the decades that lie ahead the most dangerous disease you will face is Affluenza. It is an all-consuming epidemic sweeping through the world. Affluenza is a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety and wasted life resulting from the compulsive pursuit of more and more material wealth.

Materialism is a socially transmitted curse. Now I know that neither of you are materialistic people. And at present you probably only have a mild dose of Affluenza. But you have it because it infects all of us in the capitalist west. Everyday you interact with people whose major conversation is about things. When people can't stop talking about bigger and better cars and houses and diamonds and all the toys of modern boys and girls, when they are totally and addictively fascinated by the excesses of the rich and famous, then they are truly suffering from Affluenza.

So how do you inoculate yourself against this insidious disease? It's hellish difficult! But one way that works is to strive to put meaning before money, and depth before dollars in your marriage priorities.

It's not only important that your conversation should be a dialogue, and that your communion should be with nature, it's also vitally important that the content of your conversation and communion should be about what is truly important in life. Christian theologian, Paul Tillich, used the phrase "ultimate concern" and I really like what that points to. It says grace your communication between yourselves and with your friends, families and colleagues with the dignity of depth and meaning, and avoid talking too often of money and the things that it can buy.

I am obviously not saying that you should not focus on finance in your business lives. If you don't you will pretty soon be dead in the water.

So I'm not advocating financial illiteracy or irresponsibility. But I am saying: be careful that materialism doesn’t sneak into your value system, especially within your marriage.

All of which leads to the fourth and final tip for the great journey of marriage:

Consult the spiritual masters as soul models for your journey

History and literature are abundantly rich with the lives, stories and sayings of many spiritual masters who can provide true guidance, trustworthy roadmaps for your journey into the future. The spiritual side of your nature needs soul models just as much as your social self needs role models.

And there are some very experienced soul models available. May I suggest that you need not be a Christian to learn from Jesus all about unconditional love, and to experience it powerfully in your lives. He was not a Christian. You need not be a Muslim to learn from Mohammed all about compassion for the poor and weak in society, and to respond with practical help as he did. Mohammed was not a Muslim. You need not be a Jew to learn from the Torah that family, and tribe and tradition can be the vehicles of divine action in your lives and in history. And you need not be a Buddhist to learn that God is not a big personal daddy out there, who sorts everything out for you, but is met in the sacred silence in the centre of your being.

I am pointing you to the spiritual masters themselves, as well as modern research and commentaries on what they were saying and experiencing in their particular historical contexts, rather than to the religious organisations that have turned their thoughts and lives into religious dogma and doctrine.

Take charge of your own spiritual development because you no longer need be dependent on the religious bullies of yesterday who loved to tell you what you must and must not believe. The information age has made everything you need readily available in books and on the Internet. So, spend some time as a couple researching the soul models of history and the present day, so that together you may find the spiritual path that has most meaning for you.

I hope that these four travel tips will help to make your journey a dynamic, deep and satisfying one. They are:

1.     Make your conversations collaborative dialogues, not competitive discussions or debates

2.     Make your contact with nature a sacred communion, daily in your garden and often in the wilderness

3.     Inoculate yourselves against affluenza by putting meaning before money, depth before dollars in your marriage

4.     Consult the spiritual masters as soul models for the journey, and avoid dogmatic religious bullies

All of us here today wish you an inspired partnership overflowing with love and joy and grace.

God be in your head

and in your understanding

God be in your eyes

and in your looking

God be in your mouth

and in your speaking

God be in your heart

and in your thinking

God be at your start

and at your ending

Shalom, Peace be upon you. Amen

An example of Randall's marriage wishes (used in his sermons)

X and Y I would like to share three special wishes with you that I hope will help to make your marriage even more inspired and inspiring than it already is.

First up, I wish that you manage to create a marriage that is committed to lifelong learning

In the next few years you will learn an enormous amount about each other as well as from each other. And you can continue to learn from and about each other for the rest of your lives. But you can also craft a partnership in which you regularly learn with each other. The universe and our life in it is so wonderful and awe-inspiring, our discovery of its treasures so exciting and ongoing that I can think of nothing better for you than to be a married couple that learns the universe’s secrets, mysteries and lessons together in a lifelong exploration.

How you learn from and with each other is also important. Conversation is central to human existence. How partners talk to and with each other is also the foundation of all good marriages. So it's essential that you give your conversations the attention they deserve. Now, from your own experience, you will both already know that your best conversations are always a creative collaboration, a pooling of ideas from which the truth emerges as a shared learning. These are the conversations that are the most exciting and satisfying ones. We call them true “dialogue” – a joint exploration from which shared meaning evolves! They are the conversations that create and sustain collaborative partnerships and craft creative marriages.

Of course, your conversation can also become a competitive discussion or debate, in which one person's opinion eventually triumphs as "the" accepted perspective on how things are. No doubt with your shared academic background you have had a number of such discussions and debates! And you probably will both have experienced the separation you feel when one of you wins and the other loses an argument. Discussion and debate is when you have made up your mind on a topic, and then spend time trying to convince the other person that you are right.

Dialogue, on the other hand, is a shared exploration where you both strive to learn something new, together. Dialogue is when you are open to different perspectives, when you are committed to allowing new truth to emerge from your conversations together. Dialogue favours "both/and" rather than "either/or" thinking. It's inclusive not divisive. And dialogue depends on deep listening skills. It may take longer than discussion or debate, but the payoff is huge. It is the favoured method of skilled lifelong learners.

So, my first wish is that you "create a marriage that is committed to lifelong learning and the habit of dialogue". It’s a habit that will help you enormously over the long haul ahead.

My second wish is that your marriage will be filled with priceless Epicurean pleasures

Epicurus, one of the early Greek philosophers, was the first thinker (though by no means the last) to argue for the ethical legitimacy of the pursuit of pleasure. His life and philosophy provide some wonderful insights that can enrich every marriage. And the pleasures he praised were all priceless in that anyone and everyone can afford them.

His first insight: is that friendship is the most important pleasure available to human beings. Epicurus said “Of all the things that wisdom provides to help one live one’s entire life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship” So strong was his evaluation of congenial company that he recommended that we should never eat alone. “Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you eat or drink: for feeding without a friend is the life of a lone lion or solitary wolf”. For Epicureans the greatest pleasure was to share a meal with friends, in the shade of a tree in the garden, while discussing matters of importance. Now isn’t that a great recipe for a satisfying marriage!

His second insight: is that the highest pleasure is not only eating with friends in the garden. It also involves engaging in enlightened conversation about some of the key issues in life: politics, sex, religion, ecology, life, death, pleasure and suffering. So, my wish is that your sharing of meals with your friends will be enriched because your dialogue will focus on issues of intellectual import rather than frivolities. Like Socrates before him, Epicurus believed that the unexamined life was hardly worth living.

My second wish then is that you make your home a place where friends love to visit, share a meal and enjoy dialogues that go on till it’s very, very late.

And my final wedding wish for you both is that your marriage is one of ecstatic passion, deep friendship, compassionate action and a shared ecological intelligence that values and loves life in all its diversity . The modern French philosopher Andre Comte-Sponville claims that love is a crucial concept in defining what it means to be human. And he has written a fair bit about love which he says is the most interesting of all subjects. But then he would, wouldn’t he – he’s French!

The early Greek philosophers had two words for love: eros and philia; and much later a third Greek word was added – agape. And I believe we now need a fourth Greek word to fully encapsulate the importance and meaning of love in human life. But let’s look at the first three first.

Eros is what brought you two together! So, three cheers for erotic love: it’s what drives and sustains our species. Eros is that powerful, almost blind biological love that makes you long for what you do not have and weakens when you get it. Eros is such a strong passion, with characteristic butterflies in the tummy that we are often tempted to think that erotic love is what life is all about! But not all love is erotic, passionate and possessive – spent as soon as it has been attained. There are, as Aristotle argued, other forms of love; “to love is to be joyful” within the context of intimate friendships.

Philia is the love shared by intimate friends and it is a joyful delight. Usually translated from the Greek as Friendship, philia is a “benevolent” love that loves another for the other’s sake. It is a love that rejoices in the pleasure that it gives and is the secret of happy relationships. If you ask any of the couples that have been married for a long time and who still seem very happy together what their secret is they will say: we are best friends. Eros brought them together and philia kept them together joyfully making love and making love work. So, my wedding wish for you two is that you thoroughly enjoy your erotic love and simultaneously build a relationship of deep friendship that will carry you ecstatically as best mates into the decades ahead.

Neither Plato nor Aristotle would have known the Greek word agape. They knew only passion or friendship. Long after their time, Jesus, a seemingly insignificant Jew in a far-flung Roman colony began in his strange Semitic tongue to say astonishing things like “love your neighbour” and “love your enemy” which basically meant “love everyone”. No early Greek word for this! Who in their right mind would get passionate about humankind? Or who could, absurdly, be close friends with their enemies? The English translation of agape is usually charity which carries the meaning of compassionate care for others who are in need. It is a love that is liberated from egotism and is therefore in itself liberating. One of the characteristics of a truly human spirituality is that it transcends the ego and reaches out to care compassionately for people beyond the circle of your family and friends.

So, my wedding wish for you is that your love remains passionate; that you become each other’s best friend and that your spiritual love is marked by a wide-reaching compassionate care for all those less fortunate than yourselves. But wait, there’s more! There’s a fourth aspect to love.

Earth Scientist James Lovelock has used the name of the Greek Earth Goddess “Gaia” in his work on the planet’s ecological systems and our species integral part within the web of life that Gaia supports. As a species humans are doing terrible damage to planet earth, our only home. In the face of this a new spirituality is emerging in which growing numbers of people are learning to love not only their neighbours and their enemies, but also Gaia their planet. A new blend of science and soul is urgently required, a new movement of people who compassionately care for the planet and its rich diversity. And I believe that you two as a married unit are part of a new group of humans whose love extends beyond yourselves, beyond your families and friends, beyond those in need of compassion, to include planet earth in all its richness and present travail.

Randall's marriage ceremony

As promised, here is an example of Randall's beautiful and meaningful marriage ceremonies that he used to marry both his son's, and many very close family friends. In Randall's memory, I am publishing both an example of the ceremony, and an example of the wishes he used in his ceremonies, so that you may be empowered to use these as a basis to guide the marriage ceremonies of your loved one's (should you wish to). Next week I will publish Randall's naming ceremonies for use in the naming of your special children and grandchildren.

An example of Randall's marriage ceremonies:

THE WEDDING OF Y AND X

THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE

We have gathered together today

as a community of family and friends

to affirm the many blessings

that X and Y will receive

as they commit themselves to marriage

Marriage is an institution that is taken very seriously

by every human society on the planet

In our land marriage is based on a legal contract

to ensure that it is not entered into lightly or irresponsibly

All spiritual traditions regard marriage

as a sacred pact that binds two people together

Our marriage ceremony today

is not a religious one

but where appropriate it draws on

a rich tapestry of ideas

taken from various ancient traditions

X and Y want a marriage

that is based on a broad human spirituality

one formed by our evolving consciousness

and informed by an ecological intelligence

so important in their value system

So we start this ceremony with a blessing

from a fairly unusual source:

May your vows and this marriage be blessed.

May it be sweet milk,

            this marriage, like wine and halvah.

May this marriage offer fruit and shade

            like the date palm.

May this marriage be full of laughter,

            every day a day in paradise.

May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,

an omen as welcome as the moon in a clear blue sky.

We are out of words to describe

            how spirit mingles with spirit in this marriage

Sufism: Rumi

THE JOURNEY OF LOVE

Out of the wild exuberance of creation

after millions and millions of years

you two have emerged

each of you distinctive, wondrously unique

You have chosen to journey together

through this earth’s valleys and mountains

in the brief moment of time that is yours

From this day forward

you become a single, complex unit of life

that will bring forth futures of many kinds

You are both called into a new existence

the old things have passed away

and a new life and a new space

is now your dwelling place

For a miraculous love has come to each of you

in the form of this special person

who now stands with you at your side

THE NATURE OF LOVE

Love is fidelity over the long haul

“Entreat me not to leave you…

for wherever you go, I will go”

whether it be in the battle for excellence

in the tension of differences

in the travail of defeat, or

in the joy of being warmly human together

Love is receiving the feelings, thoughts

and intentions of the other

into your own understanding

Love is creating together

your very own special culture

and working tirelessly together

to care for planet Earth, our only home

Love is being totally absorbed with each other

in the busy streets of the world’s great capitals

Love is mountain biking together

across Africa’s challenging wilderness

until the adrenaline lifts body and soul

to new heights of ecstasy

Love is sitting close together

on our wondrous beaches

as the silence of the dying day

transforms into the songs of the living night

Love is listening together

to the murmur of meaning

hidden within music

until the harmonies of its magic

pulse also in you

Love is talking together

about insignificant things

and significant things

until a few great words

and a few great people

have a similar meaning for both of you

and both of you know that this is so

Finally, Y and X

Love is immersing yourselves

in the mystery of life

and living with deep purpose and power

in all you do together and alone

COMMUNAL POEM OF GRATITUDE

Y and X you are doing something wonderful today

You are declaring openly and publicly to all people

and particularly to us, your core community

your joyful and loving commitment to one another

and to any children you may be lucky enough to have

Such a happy occasion seems to be a good time

to express our gratitude for everything of value

that surrounds the two of you

For families and friends

Who nourish and support us

Who stand by us through all

Our trials and triumphs

And occasional mediocrity

                  

                WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

For food and shelter

For the bounty and variety

Of veld and farm

For the majesty of the mountains

And the restless power of the seas

                  

WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

For fun and laughter

For challenges and risks

For the skill of sport

And the flair of art

For the promise of new technology

                   WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

For the learning that comes

With good times and bad times

For the deep principles of life

That lie hidden just below

The surface of every experience

                   WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

For the lessons of history

For the inspiring lives of spiritual giants

The creative excellence of scientists and artists

Whose lives and work enlighten our living

And expand our horizons

                                WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

For the powerful potential of this marriage

For their warmth and grace

For their beautiful bodies and minds

For their delight in each other

For X & Y together, at last

                               

                                WE ARE SO GRATEFUL

THE MARRIAGE QUESTION

X, will you take Y to be your wife in a marriage committed to the highest and best of human spiritual values?

X: I will

Y, will you take X to be your husband in a marriage committed to the highest and best of human spiritual values?

Y: I will

X and Y together:

I add my breath to your breath

that our days may be long on the earth

that the days of our people may be long

that we shall be as one family

that we may finish the road together

Native American Tradition: Pueblo Marriage

SUPPORT OF FAMILY & FRIENDS

Who on behalf of Y’s family and friends

Declares sponsorship and support

For her in this marriage

Y’s Parents:          We do

Who on behalf of X’s family and friends

Declares sponsorship and support

For him in this marriage

X’s Parents:   We do

THE MARRIAGE VOW

X to Y:

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, X, now take you Y to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day onward, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life

 Y to X:

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, Y, now take you X to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life

     X and Y together:

We swear by peace and love to stand

Heart to heart and hand in hand

Mark O Spirit, and hear us now

Confirming this our Sacred Vow

Ancient Druidic Vow

THE RING CEREMONY

As a symbol of their commitment to one another, X is giving Y a ring which he will now place on Y's left hand, fourth finger, and holding her hand he will say:

I give you this ring

in the presence of our families and friends

as a symbol of my love and trust

and in the hope that the spirit of love

will be ever present in our lives

Y responds with her acceptance of the ring and all it symbolises

I accept your ring

in the presence of our families and friends

as a symbol of our love and trust

and in the hope that the spirit of love

will be ever present in our lives

THE DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE

X and Y have declared before all of us here today that they will live together in a marriage of love and peace

They have made special promises to each other, and declared each other to be the most important person in their lives

I therefore pronounce them to be husband and wife

May your life together be joyful and exciting

May you experience great depths of love

and wonderful heights of passion

And may your internal and interpersonal integrity

be utterly unshakeable!

WEDDING WISHES

Offered by selected close friends and family

THE BLESSING

           

May the Great Spirit send his choicest gifts to you

May the Sun father and the Moon mother

shed their softest beams on you

May the four winds of heaven blow gently upon you

and upon those with whom

you share your heart and home

(Mexican Coahuila Blessing)

May your friends comfort you

your children bless you

and all people live in peace with you

May you become the embodiment

of care and love in the world

so that the afflicted and the needy

will find you to be generous friends

indeed, angels of the Good Spirit

May your love make a home

where friends from all over the world

meet for good fellowship and recreation

for the play of mind upon mind

and the laughter and warmth

that heals the lesions of the soul

And may the spirit of creativity, energy and life

be with us all, now and always.

THE CLOSING

Is change a constant?

I find it interesting to listen to people lament about how things have changed in their village, city or country (usually with the view that this change has been for the worst). I usually resist the temptation to answer, “Well fancy that, how dare it change without your permission”! Usually, that is.

Can we really expect things to stay the same? Is it reasonable or is the expectation at best a wistful romantic wish, at worst the height of irrationality? The idea that change is a constant, a continuous happening, is hardly new. The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus of Ephesus pointed this out around 500 B.C. In the late 20^th and early 21^st centuries the idea that change is not only a constant, but is speeding up has become a mantra of modernity. We are told that humankind during the past 100 years has had to handle more change, more novelty than during the rest of our species’ existence on this planet.

Modern astronomers and physicists have developed theories of waves, cycles, shocks, strings and trickles to explain the never-ending web of change that is the universe of which we are a part. Change is the norm. Our biological selves as well as our villages, towns, cities, countries, regions, world powers, solar systems are all in constant flux. Indeed the entire universe is constantly changing, emerging, evolving. In fact, for human beings the only time nothing changes is when we are dead – and who knows, that seemingly final state may simply be a gateway to a new merry-go-round.

It seems to me that the issue is not change. That is unavoidable, a fundamental structure of reality. The key thing is our mindset, whether we perceive change as good or bad, as threatening or challenging. Change happens willy-nilly. But we are able to “influence” it. So, while we can’t prevent change we can accept and encourage positive change and even try to nudge negative change into a more positive channel.

The way influence works is this. An individual can influence change in a small group or team, but no higher up the social chain. It takes a team or small group to influence change in an organisation. It takes organisations to influence change in a community. It takes communities to influence change in a region and regions to influence the nation. So, if you as an individual want to make a difference, then form or join a group and use the power of the group to influence the organisation of which it must be a part. And so it goes…

Of course our environment is changing! Everything else in the entire universe is – including our neighbourhoods and every individual in it. So, each of us has a choice: we can be positive participants in trying to create our own communal future, or we can sit on the sidelines watching and complaining as the waves, cycles and trickles pass by. If we choose the spectator route unfortunately we won’t avoid the atrophy that accompanies spectatorship and we shall run the risk of turning into fading fossils from a past that no longer exists. Worth considering, given the municipal elections that have just been concluded.  

Best wishes,

Randall (adapted from an article published in his Insight Story)

Saluting my friend Randall Falkenberg

I met Randall 48 years ago, in 1963, at Rhodes University, when we both began our theological training for the Methodist ministry. Those were heady days! The country was still reeling from Sharpeville, Steve Biko had launched the Black Conscious Movement, and some very courageous people were writing about secularity and the ‘death of god’. John F Kennedy’s assassination was imminent. America was preparing to put a man on the moon.

We clicked instantly, though in some ways we could not have been more different. Randall was as tall as I was short; he was comfortable with maths, accounting and logic whereas I was all fingers and thumbs. And he could play a better game of table tennis than I could! He got Firsts, I often didn’t. He could join the dots and see the connections. In one final examination we were to attempt three questions - he combined his answers into one; and got another First! He majored in Philosophy, I in Social Anthropology. We arrived at Rhodes at a time when good teaching was valued, and robust debate was encouraged. We arrived with our faith unquestioned and our lives unexamined. The university proved to be a stern testing ground; we met our first atheists, we got to know good people who were not Christians, and we had our first taste of the politics of opposition.

We broke the rules of the Methodist Church decreeing that theological students should stay out of student politics, stood for the SRC and won. And so we were thrown into the deep end of student politics at a time when South Africa was becoming more and more oppressive. We studied together, talked long into the night, laughed a lot, pined for our fiancés, saw many movies, and ate many toasted sandwiches. Our undergraduate years cemented a lifelong friendship. They were truly formative years for us and determined somewhat the trajectory of our respective lives from then on.

Six years ago, Randall and I began a ‘writing project’ which we initially called our “secular spirituality” project. Over the intervening years since Rhodes we had both come to question and ultimately reject Christianity, whilst remaining indebted to the Church for the ethical grounding we had received. We had also begun, in our different contexts, to practice a secular spirituality that was meaningful for us. Could we write something that would describe what this journey was about? As Randall put it, could we write something that would “provide a perspective on what spirituality means in a secular world”? And so, for the past six years, we have met and talked, we have reminisced, we have debated issues robustly, enjoyed good food and wine, and laughed a lot.

The “secular spirituality” writing project never got done. But we are both the richer for the experience. And perhaps, dear friend, I shall try to write up some of our cherished insights - with you as my interlocutor. No promises, mind. 

But what I can do is to open up our discussions somewhat to give you a sense of the insights and values that Randall cherished. Some of you will know that for years he wrote a regular feature for the Greyton newspaper called “Insight Stories” and later he published some of these in his blog called “falkenbergsfolly”. Well, Randall was himself an ‘insight story’. And what I want to do now is draw some insights from his life, in his own words where possible…

First insight. There is a long and honourable tradition, called Naturalism, stretching back at least to the Greeks that rejects belief in the supernatural or in Supreme Beings. “The known and experienced universe is complex, wondrous, mysterious and enchanting enough on its own. It doesn’t require any super-natural explanation”, according to Randall. His own naturalism was robust and rigorous; he was quick to spot attempts to smuggle in a supernatural explanation for something that science could explain. Indeed, one of his favourite scientists was Carl Sagan who said that because humans are so gullible they need to be equipped with a ‘baloney detection kit’. “We all need to develop a healthy scepticism to sniff out the hogwash that society tries to get us to accept”, he said. Randall certainly used the tools of sceptical thinking. Here are some that come to mind. Look for independent confirmation of ‘facts’ before you accept them. Encourage debate and listen to all points of view before making up your mind. Don’t trust arguments from authority. Ask whether the hypothesis can, at least in principle, be falsified. Be sceptical of claims that are untestable…

Second insight. We urgently need to develop our ‘ecological intelligence.’ The phrase is Ian McCallum’s; ecological intelligence is a subject Randall dealt with recently in one of his blogs. He believed passionately that we take responsibility for what he called “Planet Earth”. He read and appreciated James Lovelock’s work and understood the power of the Gaia metaphor to describe our fragile and precarious earth system that is now so much at risk. Citing McCallum and Irvin Lazlo, Randall believed we need to develop a blend of science and soul to tackle the problems that beset us. “We need science to enable us to understand past and present reality, and we need a new spirituality that inspires us to do whatever it takes to be co-creators of a viable new world”. Whenever I heard Randy warming to the subject of his beloved planet earth I was reminded of the saying, “We did not inherit the earth; we borrowed it from our children”. What we are seeking is a secular spirituality that leads to care for the world. Randall practised what he preached, in more ways than one. He loved nature, was a keen bird watcher and could pick out one of the Big Five in the bush with the best of them. He loved to walk in the mountains encompassing Greyton where he now lies. He cherished his time at the Bush House.

Third insight: Celebrate important ‘rites of passage’. Randall believed that we should celebrate life’s significant transitions with ceremony. He pioneered the writing of such ceremonies, set in a secular spirituality key. Indeed, Randall will have conducted a ceremony for some of you to mark the birth of your child, your marriage, or the memorial for the death of a person you loved. He wrote these ceremonies with great empathy for the particular circumstances, and he led them beautifully. Over the next while these ceremonies will be published on his blog. Draw on them, modify them to suit your circumstances; he meant them to be used.

Fourth insight: Develop your imagination! Randall read widely and deeply appreciated the impact of science and technology on our lives. He understood science to be the primary “reality generating mechanism” of our time. To borrow a phrase from Matt Ridley, Randall was a “rational optimist” despite the overwhelming pessimism that prevails today. But there was another, well developed, side of Randall. He had a big heart, a powerful imagination and a great feeling for myth, metaphor and symbol. “Imagination”, he believed, “is essentially the suspension of everyday limitations from our thinking in order to enrich experience.” We should cultivate the art of imagination; get in touch with our creative selves. Science and rationality can take us so far; for the rest we need myth, metaphor and symbol.  Speaking of myth, he said, “Mythology is an art form that points beyond history to what is timeless in human existence. A myth is ‘true’ only if it is effective in giving us new insight into the meaning of life and not because it gives us any factual information.”

I must end. I think it was Kierkegaard, commenting on the marriage of a confirmed bachelor, who said: “Every man needs someone to whom he can explain himself”. Our friendship was like that! Over the years from our student days on we have been able to share with each other the deepest and most intimate things. The Greeks have a special word for this kind of love between friends- philia -‘love as rejoicing in each other’. What a gift!

Thanks Mate! I will miss texting you when watching rugby or cricket. I will miss our conversations. I am the richer for knowing you. I celebrate your life! I celebrate the values you stood for!

Jimmy Leatt