Yes, but how high is your EQ?

A friend who now lives in Natal visited Joan and I recently. “So, how are you liking Durban?” we asked. “Oh, it’s OK” she said, “But what I really miss is the high level of the gene pool you have here in Greyton!” She was of course referring to the unusually high ratio of intelligent people living in the village. We have more than our fair share of high IQs strolling around the place! And that makes this a very stimulating place in which to live. 

However, IQ is not the only measure there is! There are many people with reasonable rather than razor-sharp brains who are often much more successful than the top brains in the population. And their success stems from their high Emotional and Social Intelligence. Their Emotional Quotient (EQ) is high.

The world-class thinker for this week’s piece is the EQ guru Daniel Goleman. His breakthrough research on the vital importance of emotional intelligence has revolutionised our thinking about leadership and success. His best known works are Emotional Intelligence, Primal Leadership, Destructive Emotions (with the Dalai Lama), and most recently Social Intelligence. Picking out a few key insights from these great books is a real challenge, but here goes:

First insight: how we handle ourselves and our relationships often matters more than our IQ or technical skills. Your emotional intelligence has two main dimensions: a self-dimension and a social dimension. Self-dimension: people with a highly developed EQ are very aware of their emotions and moods and how these impact on others. High EQ people are also good at self-management; they keep disruptive emotions and impulses under control and maintain high levels of optimism, energy and enthusiasm. Social dimension: high EQ people are very aware, empathetic and tuned-in to the emotions of others. They take a genuine interest in other people and are good at managing relationships with others to minimise conflict and maximise cooperation in meeting everyone’s needs and interests.

In many towns and cities you often find a few clubs or associations that seem to consider themselves the intellectual cream of the community. It’s often fascinating to discover that some of these elite clubs or associations have virtually imploded because of fights among their leading lights. It surely demonstrates that while general intelligence (IQ) is very important, if it is not complemented by a high EQ success is not ensured! One is tempted to observe: sure they all have high IQs, but how high is their collective EQ?

Second insight: neuroscience suggests that our brains are “hardwired” to be kind and compassionate. Empathy and compassion are our automatic evolutionary responses to any distress we perceive in others. Another aspect of this is that smiles have the edge over all other facial expressions of emotion. World authority on facial emotions, Paul Ekman, has identified at least 18 different smiles. And the human brain prefers happy faces to those with negative expressions. Goleman calls this the “happy face advantage” Even among complete strangers a moment of playfulness, even outright silliness, forms an instant resonance and rapport. In fact, laughter may well be the shortest distance between two brains.

We don’t need to spell this out, do we? Neuroscience suggests that if we all lighten up, smile and laugh more, then we’ll have better relationships, live longer and enjoy life more. And we don’t have to have genius-level IQs to do that! All we need is a well-developed emotional and social intelligence.

Third insight: our moods are contagious and impact on everyone we encounter. This is especially true of those in leadership positions. So, if you run a business, a committee, or any organisation then be aware that your moods (fair or foul) are always noticed by your staff, your colleagues and your customers. And these moods are contagious; they spread like a virus and impact either positively or negatively on the moods and emotions of these crucial categories of people in your life. How important is it then for you to maintain a high level of energy, enthusiasm and optimism? Perhaps it is critical for your success!

The good news is that we can all improve our EQ (and our success as human beings) by increasing awareness of our own emotions and moods and by exercising better control over them; and we can improve our skills in managing relationships with others so as to ensure creative collaboration rather than destructive competition. It’s worth a try, I reckon!

The importance of a certain slowness

The end of each year is such a frenetic rush of unrelenting activity that most of us would be very receptive to any person who suggests that we really should slow down. So for this month’s Insight Story I shall focus on an article “On the importance of a certain slowness” by Stellenbosch University philosopher, Paul Cilliers. He refers to the idea of slowing down which has been put forward recently by a number of scholars and authors in a variety of situations.

There is the “Slow food” movement which started in Italy (of course!) and now has a worldwide following. “Slow foodies” are passionate about wholesome ingredients, cooked properly and enjoyed lovingly and lingeringly with good friends. The slow food movement rejects and resists fast food and junk food. This resistance is based on aesthetic, nutritional, social and ethical grounds.

Then there is a movement promoting “Slow cities”. Also of Italian origin, this movement promotes an understanding of cities that is more humane than our current cauldrons of violence. Walking rather than driving is encouraged. Small shops with local products are fostered rather than the shopping malls so loved by Americans and South Africans. Slow cities provide people with the opportunity to interact rather than live in lonely isolation. Joan and I experienced the joy of a few of these slow cities on a visit to Tuscany last year. They were a celebration of how humans should be living, and our little Greyton shared many of their slow features.

There are also researchers who have examined two other movements which challenge the cult of speed. Slow schooling questions many educational processes in a world that seems drunk with lust for instant knowledge and results rather than an emerging, evolving competence and wisdom. Again, Greyton schools have the potential to offer a deep, slow education alongside the necessary requirement to fit in with the prevailing systems. On a more personal level, “Slow sex” is a movement that seeks to resist the commercialisation of our intimate relationships. It challenges us to recognise that the journey is more important than the destination and that journeys take time. As Cilliers says: “An immediate or perpetual orgasm is really no orgasm at all.”

There are a number of important issues at stake in these social movements. There are underlying principles and insights that make the dialogue on slowness a fundamental one.

First insight: the cult of speed which equates speed with efficiency is a destructive one. A slower approach is essential because it enables us to cope with a complex world much better and ultimately more efficiently. Cilliers is not arguing against appropriate speed. Obviously, “a stew should simmer slowly and a good steak should be grilled intensely but briefly”. His argument is against unreflective speed, against the alignment of speed with notions of efficiency, success, quality and importance. Against speed as a virtue in itself! The prodigious advances in technology have pushed us into what Thomas Eriksen calls “the tyranny of the moment” in which we are forced to live in an eternal present. We are in instantaneous contact with everybody everywhere. Cell phones and emails call for immediate response and tend to cut out the delay that reflection demands. And without reflecting on our past experiences we become knee-jerk reaction puppets, and sadly think that this is being “efficient”.

Second insight: there is a link between a certain slowness and integrity, sticking to one’s principles. Cilliers quotes three novels that explore this link. Sten Nadolny: The Discovery of Slowness is a novel which shows that even in war thorough reflection before action pays dividends. The main character, John Franklin, has the integrity to assimilate, reflect and integrate before he acts. This is sometimes a ponderous process and he pays a price for it. But eventually people turn to him because they trust his wisdom. JM Coetzee’s novel Slow Man also explores the link between integrity and slowness. His character clings to a set of values despite cruel demands that are made on him. However, he is too stubborn and eventually turns out to be too slow and pays dearly for it. In contrast to Coetzee’s darker view, Milan Kundera’s novel Slowness offers a strong, positive understanding of how a certain slowness is a pre-requisite for being fully human. The novel reveals the beauty of a relationship that unfolds over time, the ecstatic nature of a love that evolves slowly through its past history and emerges in rich complexity into a desired future.

Paul Cilliers’ fine article challenges us to resist the cult of speed and ensure that we structure into our lives, our institutions, our town, and our personal patterns sufficient time for reflection before we rush into action. Speed is sometimes required where appropriate. But the journey needs to be enjoyed and not simply endured as we rush to our physical, social, intellectual and personal destinations.

Adult Learning and the University of the Third Age

Malcolm Knowles is widely regarded as the “Father of Adult Learning” and the person whose thinking and writing launched a new profession, called Adult Education as opposed to educating children. He popularized the distinction between these two approaches to education by using the terms Andragogy (the art and science of helping adults to learn) and Pedagogy (the art and science of helping children to learn).

During a distinguished academic career he wrote 18 books and had 230 articles published in education related journals. His final position before his death in 1997 was Professor Emeritus of Adult Education at North Carolina State University. Although the field of Adult Education has developed far beyond Knowles, his original insights are still widely acknowledged as valid. One of the key advances is that many of the andragogic assumptions apply equally to children (but there is no space to deal with that here!). So, we go straight to a few of his key insights:

First insight: adults have a need to be self-directing and decide for themselves what they want to learn. Being told by some “authority” or “expert” what and how to learn is resisted by most adults. You and I prize our independence and we want a major say in whatever learning we think we should engage in. Interestingly, the University of the Third Age (U3A) a worldwide movement pioneered in France (and which has a lively branch in our small village) is firmly based on this insight. Members are invited to suggest courses/topics that interest them and there is no requirement to attend any lecture or seminar that is not of your choice. There are no prerequisites, exams or certificates.

Second insight: adults have an accumulated reservoir of life experiences and knowledge that provides a rich resource for learning. If any piece of knowledge makes no connection with the plethora of past experiences and knowledge that makes us who we are, we tend not to assimilate it. We seem to want and need new information to link with what we already know – even if it convinces us to reject our prior knowledge as wrong and adopt the new insights! It is crucial therefore that U3A lecturers/speakers/tutors engage with their adult learners and refrain from merely lecturing at them. We generally have experiences that give us a view on what is being said and we need to discuss things and relate our views with whatever is presented.

Third insight: adults are relevancy-oriented and goal-oriented. We must see a reason for attending an educational program; it must be relevant to what we are looking for at our current stage of life. For example, no one is going to attend classes in computer basics if they don’t have a computer and have no intention of getting one; no one will battle through a 26 week course on the history of Britain unless they have some interest in or connection with the little green isles. We adults do things for a purpose; we are goal-oriented. For example, your goal in attending a series on Conversational French might be to be competent to converse with French people during a barging vacation you intend taking on the French canals in six month’s time.

Fourth insight: adults are motivated to learn by both extrinsic and intrinsic factors. An extrinsic factor would be a desire to meet and make new friends which is often a welcome bye-product of adult education activities. Another would be the desire to escape boredom or seek mental stimulation in a setting different from the mundane realities of everyday life. An intrinsic motive for getting involved in adult education might be the desire to satisfy an enquiring mind or to ensure that your brain keeps in good working order as you move into your later years. Lifelong learning is not only a worthy motivation and challenging goal; it is also a strategy for prolonging a high quality of life.

 The University of the Third Age is a wonderful world-wide institution. It was formed to provide for people who have the time to pursue intellectual interests not tied to schools and pedagogy (the First Age) nor to the world of work (the Second Age). The Third Age is a time when learning can adhere to Knowles’ insights. It is a time when learning can be fun and entertaining; when a classroom-style set-up should be avoided and more group work offered. It is a time when exams and qualifications and certificates are no longer relevant; rather, interesting topics and entertaining speakers are what counts! I can recommend the U3A to all who have not yet joined a branch. Google it and I’m sure you’ll find a branch near you!

Love, a beautiful thing

Love is such an abused concept that many people are embarrassed to use the word. Yet it is also an absolutely crucial concept in defining our humanity. I have (appropriately I hope) chosen a Frenchman as this month’s world-class thinker: the philosopher Andre Comte-Sponville. A distinguished scholar from the Sorbonne, Comte-Sponville has written many articles and books in French. Thankfully three of his books have been translated into English and I have all three in my library.

Interestingly this philosopher has written a fair bit on “love”. In his best selling book A Short Treatise on the Great Virtues he distils all our human virtues down to a list of eighteen. His opening chapter is on Politeness, which he says precedes morality, and his closing chapter is on Love, which he says exceeds morality. Love he claims is the most interesting of all subjects. The early Greek philosophers had two words for love: eros and philia; and much later a third Greek word was added – agape. Let’s look at some of his insights by examining these three words.

First insight: erotic love strives to possess and to retain what it does not currently have. This is the simplest form of love. New lovers at a St Valentine’s candlelit dinner stare passionately into one another’s eyes. A significant part of their pleasure is their anticipation of what is to follow, what is not yet. The gifts of chocolate and the Valentine’s cards are attempts to get what we don’t yet have. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But as soon as eros possesses what was desired and retains the object of erotic love, passion dissipates. Interest wanes and boredom may even set in. Eros is that driving, almost blind biological love that longs for what one does not have and weakens when one gets it. Eros is such a strong passion, with characteristic butterflies in the tummy that we are often tempted to think that erotic love is what life is all about! However, according to Comte-Sponville, Plato was only partly right when he described love as eros pure and simple; for not all love is erotic, passionate and possessive – spent as soon as it has been attained. There are, as Aristotle argued, other forms of love; “to love is to be joyful” within the context of intimate friendships.

Second insight: philia is the love shared by intimate friends and it is a joyful delight. Usually translated from the Greek as Friendship, Comte-Sponville points out that philia is a “benevolent” love that loves another for the other’s sake. It is a love that rejoices in the pleasure that it gives and is the secret of happy relationships. Parents and children delight in loving one another in this warm way of devotion; so too do spouses, lovers, partners and philia often combines with eros illuminating relationships with the mutual pleasure of ‘making love’. For Aristotle, philia (to love) is to be joyful and to wish happiness on the person one loves. It is the love we experience when we are secure in our relationships; it is the comfort of true friendship rather than the passionate possessiveness of erotic love, though it may combine with eros on occasions.

Third insight: agape is to love one’s neighbour which is to say anyone and everyone. Neither Plato nor Aristotle would have known the Greek word agape. They knew only passion or friendship. Long after their time, Jesus, a seemingly insignificant Jew in a far-off Roman colony began in his strange Semitic tongue to say astonishing things like “love you neighbour” and “love your enemy”. No Greek word for this! Who in their right mind would passionately try to possess humankind? Or who could, absurdly, be close friends with their enemies? The English translation of agape is usually charity which carries the meaning of compassionate care for others who are in need. It is a love that is liberated from egotism and is therefore in itself liberating.

Comte-Sponville argues that while it is okay intellectually to distinguish between these three kinds of love they are not discrete, mutually exclusive entities. He sees them as three points in the single realm of love; three possible impulses in the complex process we call life.  What is great to know and to experience, especially for those of us who are no longer in enthralled bondage to erotic love, is that philia and agape increase in importance and desirability with age. Friendship and compassionate care for others remain ultimately meaningful and incredibly satisfying when eros no longer dominates one’s every waking thought!

I wish you lots of love in all its interesting manifestations my friends…

Getting to grips with the inevitable

A few months’ back one of my sons, Ryan, sent me an email with a website link and the suggestion/instruction: “Watch this”. It turned out to be a full hour video of a lecture given by Randy Pausch, a Professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University. The university has a tradition of inviting retiring professors to sum up their wisdom in one public “Last Lecture”. In Pausch’s case, a 47 year old, he was nowhere near retiring; but he was dying of terminal liver cancer. So, the university Principal invited him to give a Last Lecture.

If you have access to the internet, and a computer with a decent sound system, google “Randy Pausch” and find his last lecture. Joan and I were riveted and moved by this all-American optimist. He died this year on 25 July, aged 47 and leaving a wife and three young children. His story and thoughts are also available in his book tilted: The Last Lecture. Here are a few of his many insights.

First insight: we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just the way we play the hand. When Pausch gave his last lecture (not at all about computer science!), he had ten tumours in his liver and only months to live. Fortunately he was still feeling relatively fit. So, he decided to live his remaining months spending as much time as possible enjoying his wife and children, but also writing a book based on the Last Lecture. He was not in denial about his situation. On the contrary, he undertook every medical treatment recommended for prolonging his life. He was definitely not ‘giving up’ but he did consciously decide against depression and decided for being as positive as possible for his family and friends, and for himself. Six years ago a very special friend of ours, Rietta Liebenberg, made a similar decision when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She couldn’t change the cards she had been dealt, but she played the hand by telling herself and her family and friends that she was “living with cancer” rather than “dying from cancer”. None of this denies the awfulness of being terminally ill, both for you and for family and friends. But this approach does teach the rest of us that how we handle the shock and terror of approaching death is up to us! A decision is called for.

Second insight: we must strive to live in the now. All of us are going to die; no exceptions. But people generally don’t want to discuss death, and especially not its finality. We shy away from talking about it because we think that it’s morbid to do so. We think and behave as though we will live forever. Most religions understand our seeming inability to get to grips with our own personal end and posit an after-life or a reincarnation. It’s as though we delay facing the finality of death until a doctor pronounces that our end is definitely in sight.

Pausch reminds me of the 18^th century Anglican preacher, John Wesley. When asked what he would do if he discovered he had only a week to live he consulted his diary and said: Well, on Monday I will be doing this and that… and on Tuesday … and so on. He was definitely living in the now of his life – he would change nothing! He was already doing what he felt was important and fulfilling. Pausch says: Time is all you have, and you may find one day that you have less than you think! Use it now, wisely.

Third insight: Make a decision: are you going to be a Tigger or an Eeyore? I suspect that Randy Pausch was genetically addicted to having fun, to enjoying people and events. He claims it is a decision we all have to make. It seems perfectly captured in A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh characters. The question is: are you going to be an optimistic, fun-loving Tigger or a pessimistic, sad-sack Eeyore? It really is a choice!

Randy Pausch was the living example of what some Existentialist philosophers call an “authentic existence”. This is a person who really takes on board his or her finitude and lives a good life always acknowledging that this life has an absolute end. I find Pausch an inspiration – his life and death can help people to face the inevitability of their own demise, and to decide in the face of death to live every day as if the last, and to have fun and ensure enjoyment of everything you do.

I am equally inspired by people who have lived well and died well. I am grateful for the example of a number of current friends who are fighting cancer or battling heart disease with grace and a matter-of-fact approach which puts others at ease. I am choked up by the bravery and skill with which Ruth, one of our dearest friends in Johannesburg, is handling her approaching death from the same cancer as Randy Pausch. She is able to cry with her grown children and her friends, to take on board the whole cycle of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression and then move on to acceptance and dealing with it. She is a yet another model of how to live well and die well. Every day is a gift to be appreciated, enjoyed and savoured.

Carpe Diem my friends – seize the day!

The Web of Life and its Hidden Connections

Fritjof Capra, an Austrian Scientist who now lives in the USA and is a founding director of the Centre for Ecoliteracy in California, has written a number of fascinating books on the implications of science. Five of them are international bestsellers: The Tao of Physics; The Turning Point; The Web of Life; Uncommon Wisdom and The Hidden Connections. In addition to his research in physics and systems theory, Capra has been engaged in a systematic examination of the philosophical and social implications of contemporary science for the past 30 years. I will pick a few of his many fascinating insights for your consideration.

First insight: our world is a network of phenomena that are fundamentally interconnected and interdependent. Capra sees everything as forming a complex web of life. He recognises the intrinsic value of all living beings and views humans as just one particular strand in the web of life. This view he calls deep ecological awareness, and he sees it as not just scientific but also spiritual in nature. When our consciousness of the universe of which we are a part gives us a sense of belongingness, of connectedness to the cosmos as a whole, this ecological awareness is spiritual in its deepest essence. The experience of the many mystics of various religious traditions, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu or Taoist, is of a living universe which parallels the paradigms of modern science. Capra describes his own experience like this: I was sitting by the ocean watching the waves roll in and feeling the rhythm of my own breathing when I suddenly became aware of my whole environment as being engaged in a gigantic cosmic dance. As a physicist, I knew that the sand, rocks, air and water around me were made of vibrating molecules and atoms. I knew that the atmosphere was continually bombarded by showers of cosmic rays. I “saw” cascades of energy coming from outer space and the atoms and particles of my body were participating in a cosmic dance of energy!  

Second insight: no individual organism can exist in isolation. I have over the years had the pleasure of marrying a number of very special couples, and often discuss with the couple the reality that if they think that they are only marrying the person who stands next to them they are mistaken. A marriage connects two social systems and extends both. There is no way that you can avoid new links with your in-laws; they are part of your new ecological reality! But for Capra and his fellow scientists the web of life is even more deep-seated than social networks. He claims that outside an ecological system there can be no life for the individual organism. We are not only dead without our social networks, but we cannot survive as individual organisms without the material reality of our environment, for example, food, air, water, and body chemistry. The individualism on which the Western World bases its thinking and actions is an unscientific myth.  

Third insight: global capitalism and the sustainability of life on our planet are on a collision course!  The global economy is now driven by a complex network of computers and global gamblers in the form of major investment banks, pension funds, and multinationals. And their sole driving value is money – to the exclusion of all other values. This global greed uses every resource available in order to make money, and success is judged only by growth in monetary value. But this whole system is unsustainable. The resources that are consumed in the race for sustained growth are finite. The false wealth created by the system cannot but crumble – as we have witnessed recently in the crash in the financial markets. The insane scramble for money has cost, and is costing us severe damage to the ecology that sustains our life; some scientists predict that unless certain environmental threats are tackled relatively soon, the damage may be irreversible. Fortunately, there are a growing number of influential scientists and economists who are calling for global capitalism to be fundamentally redesigned. And there are a growing number of people around the world who reject an economic system whose logic ignores and devalues their humanity as well as their survival.

Fourth insight: we can live more simply and make our children eco-literate! Whenever we discuss global economics and global degradation of the environment, despondency is a possible outcome. What can little old you and I do about it? Well, Fritjof Capra suggests that living “sustainably” simply means fully recognising that we are an inseparable part of the web of life, of human and non-human communities, and that enhancing the dignity and sustainability of any one of them will enhance all the others. So, supporting our community organisations in Greyton will enhance the well-being of all. Capra also promotes ecology and systems thinking in primary and secondary schools and so contributes to the establishment of a value system based on the richness and complexity of the web of life and not the simplistic and dangerous obsession of making more and more money despite the damaging cost to self, others and the environment.

Enjoy your week, and if you manage a quiet moment, try meditating on how everything and everyone around you are connected. Awareness of the web of life can be a deep spiritual experience in the midst of your mad busyness.   

We are all looking for a little wisdom

A Johannesburg colleague, Ruth de Bruyn, suggested that we write a joint article on the nature of wisdom. We are both organisation development specialists, and have found that a number of younger people in organisations are dissatisfied with their personal development plans. They want more than skills acquisition; they are searching for a mentor who could also provide a little wisdom! Ruth and I both felt somewhat threatened and unsettled by these comments and requests. What exactly were these talented youngsters looking for? Could we define wisdom; could they; could any of us identify what it is and where people are likely to find it? We felt an article might help organisations, and ourselves, to identify and nurture the sources of wisdom. What follows are some of the insights I have uncovered in doing my bit of the research toward an article that may appear early next year in one of the Management journals.

First insight: there is a well of wisdom that comes to us from the writings of great men and women of the past. We don’t have to rely solely on our own limited experience in order to draw on the best thinking and advice available. We who live today are linked to the lives of those who came before, especially those whose thoughts and insights were recorded and remain available to us in literature. The list of wise people is long and our own wisdom is enhanced when we study what they have to say to us; their essential insights outlast the context and era in which they were expressed. So, one characteristic of the wisdom possessed by a wise person in an organisation or community is that s/he is aware of the well of wisdom left by past giants in many fields, and is able to draw from that well. The wise person is someone who is “in touch” with the wealth of wisdom that already exists and can access it when needed.

Second insight: ethics is the major philosophical discipline underlying all wisdom. Sharon Ryan, a modern philosopher, has argued persuasively that someone is wise if, and only if: s/he has extensive knowledge with very few unjustifiable beliefs; knows how to live a good life and is successful in doing so. So, a large part of wisdom is living a good life, knowing what is right and doing it. We wouldn’t dream of looking for wise counsel from a scoundrel! This has implications for organisations and communities. Wisdom is not found only, or even mainly, in the organisation’s leaders. Rather, people looking for advice and wise counsel will tend to go to those who, in addition to knowing the organisation’s inner workings, are recognised as people of integrity who will tell it as they see it. So, the wise person is not only knowledgeable but is also an authentic, ethical person whose life reflects a dedication to the truth.

Third insight: wisdom enables people to speak the truth to power. Organisations and communities always have people who, legitimately or otherwise, have the power to make decisions that affect others. This is clearly seen in politics, where the power of top politicians can impact negatively or positively on whole classes of citizens. Too often powerful people become surrounded by sycophantic “praise-singers” who avoid delivering bad news or personal feedback to the big man. Really good political or organisational leaders actively look for a wise colleague, often outside the circle of power, who will tell them the truth rather than what it is thought they would like to hear. It obviously takes courage to speak the truth to power, and that courage is certainly a characteristic of the wise person.

Fourth insight: wisdom blends compassion and empathy with the truth. One of America’s best known psychologists, Theodore Isaac Rubin, put it this way: kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom. Younger people often look for mentors who exude kindness and empathy, who are able to put themselves into other people’s shoes and see things from their vantage point. It’s not that they don’t want the mentor to be totally honest with them; it’s that they want to hear any bad news from someone who is fundamentally for them.

So, wisdom is a human attribute much valued by all of us. We are all looking for a little wisdom, in our partners, our friends, our colleagues, our leaders. And it is definitely not an age thing: many of the wisest people I know are much younger than me. But it certainly is a rare attribute which we all instinctively recognise and value.